The more defensive we become, the less free can we be

This Very Special Way

Just what is this very special way he keeps talking about -- how Jesus will come in a very special way and we will respond in a similar fashion?  What makes it so special?  How will either of us know it is occurring?  How does very special differ from just plain special?  Does expectation exceed what can be realized?  Is this wishful thinking; will some of us miss it?  Will it become less special for becoming more familiar?  Whatever it is, could we say it a different way?

Questioning Wisdom

That something has become a familiar saying (spare the rod, spoil the child) does not mean it has become a good rule, or that it is always true (father knows best).  Some things sound better than they are, having acquired more age than veracity (an apple a day keeps the doctor away).  Others may be true but I never understood them (feed a cold, starve a fever -- I have tended to feed them both).

Asking Permission

If you ask permission, someone may assume that it is his to give.

The Process of Living

In all that fire and noise, the rushing of winds and being heard in foreign tongues the Church was born, but after a short time wonders and signs were over and the process of living began.  It stopped being new and started becoming itself in the midst of a less excitable world and people maybe less in need of sparkle.

Having Little to Say

Having so little to say, he finds listening very easy.

When Support Becomes Dependency

A purpose of therapy is eliminating the need for what we offer, enabling people to manage their own lives, trust their own decisions, and move beyond dependency even when it is called support.  While support in growth or in consideration of options may be helpful, it too often becomes support in being who I want you to be, and so the process is self-defeating.

Leaving Home

Maybe Zebedee had wanted the boys to stay home, to support the family business, to take regular jobs, marry local girls and come home for the holidays.  Fortunately, they decided not to listen.

Who Reads a Journal

He saves so much, recording his every thought, hoping it will be a legacy but unsure who will receive it, who will want the accumulated ramblings inside which may be no key at all.  He realizes they may be collected for no one but himself.  To no one else will it have a value.  Others will have not even the time to look as they clear out where he used to live.  It seemed so vital, but only as long as he was there to give it life.

Our Choice

Were we to stop saying "yes, but...," life might proceed in a better way.

What To Do With Challenges

There is nothing wrong with challenge, but it would be all right to ask:  is this the one I want now, or do I want any at all.  Should I want one later, it will be available.  Now, it would be okay to say:  no.

Sampler Therapy

We could call this "sampler therapy" or "cliché therapy."  It is the offering of sayings, thoughts, statements or observations that are short -- brief enough to fit a sampler -- but true, and so clichés.  It is not so profound, but it seems effective.

Defining Characteristics

If we wish to make failure the defining characteristic, we could call Peter the man who could not walk on water.

Change in Therapy

If a situation is not resolved after a certain number of sessions, is it reasonable to wonder if resolution is available to this person at this time?  I think this may be so, that if change is not underway by the eighth or tenth session it may not be time for that change to occur.  New issues may have arisen which obscure focus on them, more pressing concerns.  There may also have been a shift in the focus of the treatment, but at some time if something has not been dealt with the process is better suspended than sustained.  It may also be that with this therapist this change cannot be considered, and the changing of therapists is the needed response.  Unfortunately, few of us are able to say, "I cannot help you with this."

The Need to Categorize

If there are but two categories -- such as good-bad, right-wrong, black-white -- everything must fall into one of them, when in truth most things are far less absolutely either way.  They are really pretty neutral and are all right for being so. It is what they are meant to be.  Yet, some of us need to categorize and insist others do so as well, which is not so terribly helpful for anyone.  We then talk in classifications that do not apply, in those absolutes that have so little foundation.

Dreams Better Than Fact

Today in Church I saw someone looking just like you.  I could see so clearly that it was you -- or maybe you as you were so long ago.  I could see the trust in your eyes, and knew how you would look when you smiled.  I thought maybe it was true, that this time has not been real and that we were together, but I knew too that it was not so.  Yet, there you were when we were younger and free still of illness and death.

I saw her again after Mass.  The resemblance was gone.  There was nothing about her that was you.  Not a few of my dreams are better than fact.  This one most of all.

Even Though A Need Exists

That a need exists does not mean the individual or society needs or wants to respond to it.  People can be made aware of problems, but in most instances it will probably be no revelation.  It was already known and while they may feel obliged to acknowledge our observation, they may feel no obligation to act, even if it is agreed that to do so would be in their best interest.

Being Alone

I don't like being alone, but there is no one else I want to be with.  Can't win there.

Debating Jesus' Intentions

The story of Jesus' debate with Satan would have been better had it not ended with angels coming to minister.  It seems to diminish the value of the forty days of the desert and makes it rather more shallow than it should be.  The debate with Satan has a similar cast, but it is overshadowed by the angelic intrusion.  It would be hard for anyone, even Satan, to have taken seriously a discussion with such a blatant ending.  He would have had to assume he was there for show rather than for any serious, or even less so Satanic, purpose.

Nothing Else to Say

He wondered why we keep saying the same things.  I think because there is nothing else to say.

Letting Go of Our Deceits

He thought we might do well if only we would let go of the deceits we thought we had needed.  We have, he said, no need to pretend foolishness when life is available.  Who was it we needed to fool, who but ourselves -- the ones who needed least to fear truth.

The Apostles' Ministry

When called, the apostles did not ask about retirement benefits, cost of living, length of contract, or overtime pay.  Over the course of the ministry they may have wished once in a while that they had, but not often enough to make it a question.

So What?

At times I think I am being taken advantage of.  Other times I am sure of it.  So what?

Less To Be Forgiven

There is to be a penance service.  It may speak well of those involved that so few are interested and no one is enthusiastic.  It is not that they question forgiveness, but they minimize the need for it.  There is less to be forgiven than once seemed the case.

The Comparison That Matters

Life need not be a competitive process.  Mine is not more or less complete than anyone else's, since if a comparison must be made it is with me -- the question is whether my life is as complete as I can make it; am I as fully me.

What Faith Requires

Once you have stopped believing it is hard to start over.  Once you have said you doubt Santa Claus, it is hard to say you don't.  And if you started buying the presents on your own, it is even more complex.  What if you stop buying and he really isn't there, but what if you stop and he is?  That is the problem with faith.  It requires more than words.

Benefits of Being Included

The number of people involved in almost anything increases the number who feel entitled to reject what is proposed, but unless they are included they will be more likely to reject it without consideration of what it is.

Dear God

God, there are a lot of people wanting to do what is right.  They are searching, hoping, looking, and trying.  They would like something final, definite and true at least for now and hopefully forever.  Without whatever it is, nothing else will be or mean what it should.  They have to find it.  They need to see truth, to know it is not made up to save us from looking foolish.

Some people think you may be the one and sure truth that could give meaning and value.  Others wish it were you, but they are not so sure.  They are afraid you may be just an easy answer filling a void made only a little less empty by what you would offer.

God, I believe in you and want you to be real.  I would like you to be all I say you are.  I want to believe you are love and goodness, that you are kind and that you understand.  I would also like you to believe in me, to stay with me helping me find who you are and that you are for sure.

I think what I ask will be best for both of us, that together we will be more real and less afraid, better able to trust, more willing to say yes to one another and so to all we might become.  Maybe I ask too much, God, but it seems we need each other. Without you, I am only human; without me, you are just divine.

Some Days

Sometimes the most we can say is, "Today was a good day."

Offering What We Have

We can only offer what we have, but unless it is what someone else wants it was not that helpful.

Ignore Some Things

Ignore some things and they really do go away.