Right or Wrong

When things seem clearly right or wrong, realize we are looking at them apart from their occurrence in actual lives.

Beware Strategy

The more reliant we are on strategy, the more liable we are to fail.

Present Moment

Held by the past and drawn by the future we can in the present moment seem to be nowhere at all.  The "somedays" and the "used to be's" can exert such a pull that now is but the tension between them.

Settling on a Legacy

If we knew with certainty that life was ending, what would we leave as a legacy, a lesson we would want others to share?  I suppose we might be too concerned about how we would be remembered to be as honest as we might be, even at this late hour.  We would review how we had utilized time and energy, rejecting what had so far been its focus in favor of something else.  We might see there is little to be learned and even less to be shared of what derives from survival needs and how we met them.  Distilling life should come to more than thoughts of getting by, even if it is getting by in style.  That, we would hopefully see, is not its essence.

It is an occasion to review life and we might do well to prepare the lesson before being required to present it.  We might in the process come to a number of cliched statements, some of which might readily be disposed of, while others might seem of value.  In the end it may be the person who has no legacy, who finds nothing so absolute, who has the best gift.  Maybe when there is nothing to be said we will have attained a better state, and offering its silence may be what will be best.

Reverting to Strength

Somewhere in evolution physical strength was more essential, but it gave way to more subtle means of managing life and the environment in which it takes place.  Unfortunately, we are sometimes reluctant to effect this development, applying it more selectively than is beneficial, resorting instead to strength in its more dramatic -- if least effective -- forms.  If we are not always secure in the developmental process, we would do better to do nothing rather than reverting and calling it virtue.

More Intensity

Does an increase in intensity equal a decrease in significance?

Spider

Spider has made an elaborate system of webs, but because it is between the windows no other insects come.  Still he spends the day improving upon it.

Not Tragic

This is only very difficult.  Try not to make it tragic instead.

The futility of some things is no reason not to pursue them

The Fine Conspiracy

When they ask how you are, say, "Fine."  Say, "I'm fine, very fine, and you?"  They'll be fine, as fine as you, whether either or you actually is or not.  It is a conspiracy, you see.  The way we protect ourselves, it becomes the "fine conspiracy."  Even though each of us has a greater or lesser slice of the pain, and even if at the center of each person there is great emptiness and such fierce sadness, we never have to say so.  Instead, we say, "Fine.  Everything is very fine indeed."  The ones who betray the conspiracy, we call them crazy sometimes, or we avoid their honesty as though it were the plague.  If they do not say "fine," they will not be asked again, and if they have dared say the extent of their confusion or the depth of their hurt we must isolate them, making them answer sometimes to the name of "insane," if we need to.  Once we have made that occur it becomes a name they can never abandon, not even if they agree to be "fine."  They may agree and pretend right along with the rest of us, but having once said it was not so they can never be believed.  Telling some truths, you see, affects one's credibility.

The Hardest Part

Trust remains the hardest part and so only after trying to control, deny, manipulate, and escape do we come to where we should instead have begun.

Compartmentalizing Life

I have compartmentalized life, placing each relationship and every aspect of time into its own part of memory, insulated or protected each from the others even though protection may not have been what was in their interest.  I limit their interaction and in some instances their very awareness of one another.  I am trying to control and maybe it is not as protective as I think, though I am not so sure of that.

Moments

While we can alter the moment, we cannot forget it occurred.

Doing What's Right

The rule is that you always do what is right, and the "always-ness" of it never ends.  It is not that you do not do what is wrong.  That is a rule for someone else, and they get to have "shoulds," not "have tos."  It is not fair, but neither will it change.

Trying to Control Feelings

We feel what we feel.  Virtue instead must be developed, and so love is not the same as charity.

Settling Into Reasonableness

Having considered the magical and the ridiculous we settle reluctantly into the reasonable as a response to problems.  We might do well to eliminate that early phase, but perhaps it is where we dissipate our anxiety.

No Longer Academic

It sometimes stops being an academic process and in those moments it can become frightening.

Alternative Directions

I would like to think there is a direction and purpose apart from the ones we sometimes seem to see, and in spite of our determination to direct and control life.

Stuck

Betsy is, of course, right.  I have been stuck in what seemed wise and reasonable, where I often get stuck, though not always so badly.  I have been listening more to my fear than she has to her heart.  I wish there were never the need to trust, but when there is I wish I could do it with more ease.

Being Mocked

It does not seem quite fair that in the end my own clichés would turn out to mock me.

Worst Outcomes

Worst possible outcomes hold that title only until further alternatives are considered.

Proper Perspective

When I die, I would like to have my nose on for the wake and funeral.  I would also like the priest and congregation to do the same, since it may put the event in proper perspective.

Sustaining the Magic

He is back into the cycle of magic, having finally met the person he was destined to meet, the one the other destined people had been preparing him for.  Of course, she also feels the magic and if this is like other times they will, in trying to sustain the wonder, undo whatever might have been; and so the despair can return.  Hopefully, he can allow this to be other than magic, and that she can too.  Maybe then reality, with its real and realizable expectations, will have a chance.  The real wonder is the absence of magic, the not needing to sustain who people are in our need.  The wonder is in the quiet and in the permitting each other the freedom to be ordinary people making free and ordinary choices.

Nothing Sacred

When anything is too sacred to be laughed at, we have perhaps lost our perspective on it.  This seems true of people in our government and of their policies, and it may well apply to other aspects of life as well.

Revitalizing Ancient Hatreds

People with shorter memories would not feel the need to revitalize the ancient hatreds, recalling past hurts with such ferocity and so entitled to inflict newer ones.

Not A Discussion

If they were going to require agreement, they should not have called it discussion.

Explaining Why

We seem better able to say what we might do, which is the practical aspect of therapy, than why we would, which is the philosophical and more essential component.

Wrong Inferences

They seem to infer that not to be one thing (be it feminist, Christian, liberal, or any number of other things) is to be its opposite, and so antagonistic.  It is a silly way to be and suggests at least some things are less secure than the noise surrounding them would want to suggest.

Doing Less

The less we do -- the fewer interventions we make and the less we say -- the more trust we indicate in the person's ability to take control of (or to recognize control over) his or her life, but in therapy as elsewhere trust is the more difficult part.

Safely Old

My friend was suddenly and safely old, secure beyond any need to appear glamorous or interesting.

A More Painful Process

The more we focus on what seems to be wrong, the less well do people get.  We might know more about what ails them, but it ails them more in the process.