Becoming the Mask

We are sometimes so afraid of being hurt, afraid someone might take advantage of us, or maybe just recognize us, that we become the mask behind which we hide.

Balloons in Church

There were balloons in the church, and singing.  There were posters, and people embraced.  They talked aloud; they smiled; and at the kiss of peace, they kissed.  Understandable that some might not have recognized it as liturgy.  Sad they did not know it as Church.

The Ministry of Availability

A ministry of availability can be less than exciting, especially when no one comes.

A Philosophy of Belief

Things are what they are believed to be.  This is not the same as what they seem or appear to be.  Granted we deal often with appearance and can judge only on the basis of what seems to be, there are areas where we must step beyond appearance and in that sense transcend the observed and recognized. It is then that we move into religion and other spheres where concern is not only with what is seen, but also with what is seen only by the eyes of faith.

When treating of religious issues or questions, we begin with belief.  That which is believed must be assumed to be.  It is that from which all else derives.  Faith is a foundation rather than an outcome, and whatever is the content of the belief is beyond question.  It is in that sense a higher function than reason, and so can be assumed, even without support of reason, and become the premise of subsequent observation.

The premise of each person may be different, at least in some regard, but that does not make it subject to denial since belief is the given factor, an apparently gratuitous point of departure.  Granted others viewing the same question or phenomenon may come to different conclusions, the difference is not reason to deny the reality or validity of their conclusions, since the belief underlying those conclusions is uniquely theirs.  It would be reasonable to offer alternatives, perhaps those that I have reached based on my own assumptions, but it is not reasonable or legitimate to place another person's beliefs into my categories and so deny them.  To do so suggests a certain insecurity and little more.

Even if a person's supposition is that none are possible, if his belief is that there can be no belief, once accepted it becomes beyond denial.  Nor can it be refuted, except perhaps in theory.  And the need even to offer that level of refutation may speak to limitations in one's own sense of what is.

It is also possible that over time a person may develop, refine, delete, or completely alter their beliefs.  There is freedom to alter the direction or content of thought, and should he find it more in line with his personality as it develops even the basic tenets may change.  This might even be anticipated since people are altered by their experience and must find new understanding as life is less easily understood in terms once used.  Change happens as a result of reflection or as events confront belief over the course of time.  The resultant modification is as legitimate a statement of belief as what it replaces, since it is based presumably on as much conviction.  It is thus made as inviolable.

It can be objected that there remains no objective reality, at least in this sphere.  There are some who might say there never was such a thing; it may be better said that elements of the multiplicity are related even though diverse or opposed.  All are true, yet different.  Since all are inclined in favor of their formulation, and the stronger the faith the more adamant may be the conviction, to each his response is deemed objectively true.  The belief in truth, even if what constitutes it in this instance is ill-defined, is what is commonly held.  If objectivity is important, it is found in the person holding the belief and living by it.

There quite probably is an objective standard that it is not possible to ascertain, except for oneself (in the subjective way that implies), what it is.  We should then conclude as the most reasonable notion that every individual is, to the strength and extent of his belief, constrained to act in accord with that belief and no other.  For him, it is the only truth.

What It Means to Be Wrong

While I may think someone wrong and will freely tell him of his error, it is as true that from his perspective it is I who am wrong and in need of correction.

Anxiety and Illusions

If we take seriously the injunction to put all anxiety aside, then there is no need to hold onto any of it, not even that special thing about which we so love to worry, feeling it identifies us as concerned people or provides assurance that we do have something in common with others.  If St. Paul thought it would have been helpful, he would have said put aside the anxiety you choose not to have, the aspects that are truly not yours.  Hold to and cherish the illusion that by worry you can undo the rest.

Perhaps just a touch of madness is the prerequisite to dedication

When We Love

For Mary, seeing the risen Jesus was not enough.  She wanted also to touch him.  It is that way when we love.  Words and signs are not enough.  And the Lord did not say no; he just said:  not yet.

Accidental Alienation

People do not intend to cut themselves off from one another.  Alienation is not an intentional thing.  It is that sometimes we are afraid and do not know how to be.  Because of our fear we find ourselves alone with ourselves, and not wanting to be.  The fear is real and may have grown out of real threats, but now it is not just happening to us.  It has become us, leaving no room for who we would rather be.

Stations of the Cross

We had Stations of the Cross.  No one came.  We had them simply because we always have.  It was not reason enough.

Elijah's Proof

In the time of Elijah there were many prophets, but not all were true.  Some said they were.  Others thought they were.  But only the man of God could prove he'd been sent.  He alone among the holy men could proclaim God's word with authenticity, making it actual.  Only Elijah could offer more than words.

It is no different now.  Real prophets have all but disappeared, even though some of us like to think we have inherited Elijah's mantle, and others of us wish we could.  But the proof now as then is in actions beyond the words.  By actions I do not mean miracles, since in themselves miracles have little worth.  The actions enlivening our words would be giving, sharing, offering.  They would include loving, caring, hearing, and sometimes suffering too.  The proof is anything making God more than so many facts, idaes and other such things that have no flesh, no blood, no life.

Confusing Constructive and Criticism

They seemed to feel that the more devastating their constructive criticism, the greater its value to the target.  For their gift they awaited the thanks of someone they had hurt.

When Gloria Died

Gloria died.  Who knows why; who might offer an answer?  Maybe God knows, but if he does he is not saying.  It might have been different had she been old.  Her life would then have been ready to be over.  But it had just begun.  She was only twenty.  There was so much to be lived, so much to be offered, so much yet to do and be.  But instead she died, and I don't know why.

Later I asked God again, and I thought he told me this:  she loved life and people.  She didn't want to die.  She had not planned to, but she was not so surprised when it happened, not as unhappy as we might wish she had been.  She just went on being happy in another place, a different way.  She was joy and laughter and love.  She still is.

We are sad because she died, but are better for her having lived.  We are better people and more ourselves for having been loved by her, and for the life shared with her.

Of course, we will cry.  With her death we lost a lot.  But we are going to live and will laugh again.  The question is maybe less why did she die than why she had lived.  She left us, but gave more than a memory of death and sadness.  She gave her life and love which cannot be forgotten.  It cannot die.

Peter's Dream

Had Peter not followed what the dream offered, he would not have dreamed himself out of Herod's prison.

Seeing and Believing

If they thought he could be Elijah, or John, or one of the prophets, then for them he became those identities.  They saw what they saw and made it so.  Though their understanding may have lacked the accuracy of Peter's, for them it was complete and in accord with what they were ready to believe.  To have seen him instead as Messiah or to have made that their confession would have been lacking in faith.  They saw what they saw and believed in accord with that.

The Wrong Dream

He works very hard and is dedicated to what he does, but it annoys him that he must do it alone.  He wants help in carrying the burden of his dream.  When no one asks to, he becomes bitter and angry.  He feels that they are refusing to understand.  He cannot see that it is perhaps the dream that is wrong, unworthy even of his effort.

The Experts in Our Lives

We are free to listen to others, and even take notes.  It is often enough a worthwhile pursuit, but having listened we accept or decline what has been offered, recognizing that while others can be capable consultants in our lives we are the experts.

The Joy of Impracticality

No one should be discouraged from attempting great things simply because they are not practical.  Were they practical they would forfeit their greatness.

The Burden of Belief

They have such cruel and ugly Gods it is a wonder they find any joy in life.  Their belief is such a burdensome thing.  Perhaps they worship as masochists.

Different Values

Our values were so different we could hardly agree on what was good, much less on what would be evil.

Owning Our Misunderstanding

Much of what seems illogical or erroneous seems so because we have not understood it, and so the error - if there is one - and the lack of logic is our own.

The Right to Not Change

They began the meeting saying, "We cannot be influenced by populist ideas...  We cannot listen to new waves or theories."  It was little wonder when they added, "We cannot expect to see much happen."

A Wall is Just A Wall

People paint words and slogans on walls, but the wall is not the words; nor is what is behind the wall what is written on its outside.  Neither are we what has been written or marked upon us.

Don't Call Me Sibling

I never wanted to be called a sibling lest I be required to sibble and wouldn't know how.

The Beard

I grew a beard and became aware of people's inclination to see what they wish to see.  Some looked and pretended it was not there.  It was not growing out of my face, because they did not want it to.  Others seeing it decided if nothing were said it would go away - it would maybe grow inward, disappeared into whence it came.  Others still pointed and laughed, and they were the most real.  They saw and had a name for what they saw.  Scraggly as it seemed, there it was in all its blackness, redness, brownness, and flecks of white.  A reality.  Nor is it only hair we wish to deny.

Questioning Power

I wasn't denying they had the power.  Just questioning their right to use it.

Sympathy for Judas

Why must we be so critical of Judas, attributing to him the worst of intentions, post-dating his designs so that even in his call he was lacking the capacity to respond?  Why do we paint him so darkly since it adds to light either to Jesus or to anyone else?  We have over time allowed the man to become a caricature, a model of evil to share with Pilate, the model of ignorance, a stage where they may have been over their heads, but where they still had a right to be.  When called, Judas had more to recommend him than his weakness.  We would do well to assume he was a basically good and prayerful man, that when they were all sent out he too preached with fervor and cured in wonder.  We would do better saying his presence added to the company he shared rather than seat him at the edge with a dour expression.

It might even be wise to say he left the rest out of his dedication to God, a God he no longer saw in Jesus.  It was a good God, and seemed better than what Jesus was saying, a God more faithful to what Judas thought ought to be.  His despair that leads to death is more the pain at betraying a friend than the loss of a friend.  Perhaps he saw adherence to his faith as the motivation for turning over his friend.  Judas was driven then by a belief unworthy of him, and in that there should be sadness.

Had he just been the way we picture him, it is unlikely the rest would have tolerated him for so long.  He added something but he did not take from the experience what the others thought they saw in it.  If Jesus looked with pity on Peter, he would have cast the same eyes on his other friend's pain.

Relationships and Balance

If Jesus came among us only because of our weakness or need, or because of the presence of sin, would he then be estranged by its absence or by our self-sufficiency and strength?  As in any relationship, the need of only one is not enough to sustain it.  Giving is not sufficient motivation for staying together since it sounds the relationship on weakness and is threatened by, or unbalanced by, the emergence of that other person.  Growth undoes it.  So there must have been something more, something mutual and a basis for growing together, a union not reliant for its definition on continued need, weakness, or sin.

Giving may be okay in therapy or in social services to just meet needs (though even in those settings I am not so terribly sure it suffices), but then when the need has been met or the crisis resolved the relationship ends.  To continue, it would be disrespectful and would foster a less than healthy reliance.  Maybe it can change, becoming something different, but the former reason for being together is over.

Tiring of Complexity

I sometimes wish things were less complex, just a bit simpler.  Some days I can handle only simple explanations.  I will take any answer that will not lead to another question.  I appreciate the need for questions and the unavoidable confusion, but I sometimes tire of living with it.

Love and Trust

It would be silly to say I loved you unless I would trust you as well.

Who Names You

Who people say you are is not significant until to ratify or deny their naming of you.  Until you make it your own it is nothing more than an opinion or a wish.  That is so whether people say, as they did with Jesus, that you are the prophet, the Baptist or a Messiah, or as they do of others when the titles are:  Drunk, crazy person, someone in need of help.