Overlooking Our Success

Are we so fragile we can overlook successes and define ourselves in terms of what others think could be weakness or incompleteness, and do so without even knowing that might be their thought or only our fear?

Being Present

We cannot celebrate this moment if we are worried into the future or mired in the past.  Whatever either might contain, leave it there.

Out of the Conversation

If you decline the pursuit of people's indignation or lose interest in how they make money, and how much, you may soon be out of the conversation.

Grasping For Inclusion

They try so hard not to be alone but some, no matter how hard they try, are not included while others, being the focus for now, are far less concerned.  They set, rather than follow, the agenda.  But most are struggling, grasping at being part and it sometimes seems no price would be too high if it means they would be included, even if only for a little while.  We say this is an aspect of adolescence, but maybe it never goes away, not entirely.

Sisters Seeking Reassurance

Mary went to visit Elizabeth, and I am sure she did so to be helpful.  But maybe she also wanted to see if that sign mentioned by the angel was actually occurring, if the confirmation of what he had said was really taking place within Elizabeth, and if it was true it could also be true within herself.

Presumption of Sharing

It is presumptuous to expect people referred to therapy will readily share the intimacy of thought and feeling.  Perhaps if they did we should worry more about them.

The Intensity of Response

We can still think the intensity with which we respond is the more essential part, that if we grimace and shout or run very fast in so many circles we are accomplishing something or are seeming to.  Seeming can suffice.

The Need for Status

People require status.  It may, in the eyes of others, appear negative, but he individual -- sometimes with great difficulty and denial -- will maintain a sense that it has meaning, if not always importance.  The investment in status is a large one and the longer or more intensely it is made and defended the more it must be defended.  Status goes quickly beyond a question of what someone might do to become one of who he is.

One More Question

There is always one more question and whether or not we address it may not be so important.

Playing "What If"

There is no end to the game of "what if."  There is no end and very little satisfaction.  About most of it there is nothing to be done.  Even when we think how differently we might have acted, what we instead might have said, the others in this fantasy have, or would have, their own "what ifs" -- ones that might have been no more compatible than they were that first time.  I suppose as long as we can see it as fantasy, as a game, there is no great cost in playing, except a bit of sadness once in awhile.

Prayer and Anxiety

There is a falseness in doing for a purpose other than the doing, and so if I were to pray as a means of avoiding anxiety I should not be surprised were my anxiety instead to increase; or were I to perform some act for the edification of another rather than allowing that act to be only itself.  It might be better seen as deceptive than edifying.

Pursuit of the Spiritual Life

It is all right to pursue a spiritual life, to live within the depth of oneself, without condemning or in any way diminishing the life beyond, the external world.  One is not better for making the other in some way less, or -- worse still -- evil.  What is good only in a comparative sense is not so very good after all.

Ultimate Questions

Most people do not feel obliged to answer ultimate questions.  They are not even inclined to think such questions might exist.  Their lives are not diminished by the lack.  So what does that tell you about your favored past time?

Accepting the Kingdom

It may not be a question of accepting the kingdom as children accept it, but rather accepting the kingdom as we accept children -- recognizing they are innocent and full of wonder, that they can be made to laugh but will sometimes need also to cry, and that they see with a newness that makes life so very clear.  It is perhaps the willingness to believe the best and the ability to be amazed that Jesus also asks us to accept, seeing the kingdom as complete but not yet finished, and its determination to be loved as it loves.

Confirming Our Fears

We are not afraid people will think us less capable, since that would only be a thought.  Rather it is fear they will see the essential inadequacy we think may be there.

Waiting For What's Next

There are times throughout life when nothing is happening.  These can seem either empty or times when we are waiting, preparing or perhaps lying fallow in anticipation of whatever might be next.

Making Nonsense

About the time I think I have it making sense, there is something -- in fact or in memory -- to remind me it is not really that way.  At least not always, and not in some important ways.

The Wonder In Others

He meets people in order to meet them, not to impress them or win them over, or even to overcome them in some competition where winning is only a way to stay ahead of loss.  In this way he has the style of Brother Albert, who shared so much in such simple ways offering such wonderful aspects of God.  The longer I knew Albert, the more I noticed a disinclination to talk about his own life, as though there were nothing to be said on that topic, especially when compared to the wonder he seemed to find in others.

Earning One's Worth

The judge on the radio was saying he wanted to earn as much as did the attorneys who appeared in his courtroom, as though money were the measure of one's significance.  The reward for being a judge is being a judge.  It is the same with other professions where money alone is the measure.  Ballplayers do not measure their ability by how well they play, but by how well they are paid.  Therapists rate their skill by stating what they charge.  It is measuring being by a standard that does not apply.

Misinterpreting the Gospel

Why is it those re-discovering the Gospel seem almost to re-invent its meaning, making it so much more punitive than it was meant to be, so inclusive only of the saved, and seeming so to delight in being within so they can giggle and scoff at those on the outside?

Becoming Ourselves

We gather information so that it can be a resource, and what of it is of value will be incorporated, either now or at another time.  But essentially we are to be developing our own sense of what we will do, basing it upon what we want to share, what expertise in living we will make available.  The aim is not for us to become someone else, and so while we may consider that what others have thought, said, or believed has been important we will be most adept as we become ourselves being us doing this therapy, consulting with this person about his or her life, and helping in their making of reasonable and productive choices.

Life In Reverse

We seem to spend life visiting old scenes, old friendships and lost loves wondering might we have seen them more clearly, appreciated them more, or loved them as they deserved.

Adam's Companion

If God really thought Adam would welcome as his companion a cow or bird, he had a fair amount to learn about this person he had made.

Nearness in Presence

"Rejoice," says St. Paul, "because the Lord is near."  But it is not a nearness in terms of time or of distance.  Instead it is a closeness of presence.  It is the proximity of his being and ours joining, a nearness filled with anticipation, more than were he only near in time or space -- a gap he might close so that we might see or touch each other, but not become one another in the union of his presence and ours.

Crossing Over

Just when, Lord, does it stop being hope and become self-deception?

Anxiety and Expectations

We become most anxious when we have an expectation that is unreasonable.  If we expect ourselves to do what cannot be done it is an unreasonable and unattainable assignment, one at which we can only fail, and in face of that fact anxiety is a reasonable reaction.  The more unreasonable the task, the greater (and more reasonable) is the anxiety we feel.  Better to have expectations that are within our competence.

God's Needs

God does not need to be defended or need our faith in him to be justified.

Truth About Pain

Part of what we can offer is letting people know they need not pretend that pain is really pleasing, good, or satisfying.

Be Here Now

You do not learn all of it, not now or ever.  And, despite your wish that they would, all the world is not waiting to hear or read what you have thought.

Becoming Who We Are

Being grown up can seem much less appealing than the irresponsible acts of childhood or even the fumbling and seemingly foolish ways of adolescence, but to visit them -- or more so, to think these bygone ways are for us to live in -- is to overlook who we are becoming or who we are at this moment.  Childhood is not as carefree as it may seem from here and the invitation is not to a peaceful place; and adolescence is perhaps more distressing than it is foolish, more a place of turmoil than of peace, even for those whose place it is today.