People are defined using the characteristics or descriptors they deem most important, or those they ratify or adopt when presented in or by someone else. Even though other traits may be available, and to others might seem more prominent, the definition is made up of what the individual calls himself, and he will pursue activities enhancing or exemplifying these characteristics (having once said I am this, I will reinforce the notion what by I do and in this sense become who I predicted I would be).
The role of therapy is consideration of alternatives, the re-ordering or re-prioritizing of descriptors, introducing if they be needed alternatives not initially considered and facilitating behaviors consistent with the re-definition.
There is less need to wonder why the initial characteristics were given such prominence. Only if it will foster the re-ordering is this beneficial. The other aspect of therapy is the discovery and implementing of life's rules.
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