My father was a writer. He wrote all of his life, inflicting upon many of us his novels, plays, articles, essays, and self-help books. Some were marvelous; some merely well-intentioned. But of all the things he wrote, his journal is his legacy: by turns wise and bewildering, it neared 1,100 type-written pages when he died in 2010. Although perused many times, this is the first time it will be read - cover to cover, page after page.
I hadn't meant to start, but now I think it often, and each time it hurts like the first. I say, "if only..." If only you hadn't died. If only there'd never been cancer. If only life were fair.
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