Empty Christmas

Christmas became a very hard time when you were no longer here to share it.  It became a burden made tolerable in sharing it with the boys, but they grew beyond toys (as they were supposed to) and it has become a hard time once again, this year more than last because it is so uncertain and I see clearly how much sadness I offer to people I love.  I had thought some time ago I had celebrated my last Christmas.  I wish now it had been so.  Had life ended then there would be none of today's sadness.  The boys would be with Bob, Betsy would have lost a friend, but that did not happen and so it is another Christmas so empty of what the day should be, so empty of what it was when we made paper ornaments and hung pictures on our tree.