Wishes

There are times when what we wish were so will not be. It is no less sad for the realization that it is what passes for best.

Seeing Bartimaeus

In the story of Bartimaeus, the bishop had thought Jesus' friends had not understood and so they tried to protect him from this shouting blind man.  This Sunday, the priest thought it more central to see them leading the blind man forward.  They were his advocates.  Actually, they had done both.  Followers do not always understand, but sometimes they do.  We get in the way, but sometimes we do not stay there.

I Thought

I thought I was talking to you.  But when I became angry I realized it must be God I was addressing.

Programmed Failure

If we expect to attain what is unavailable, or to sustain what instead must change, we have programmed failure.  Why then are we so surprised when it happens?

Memories

Wonderful memories contain the sad realization that those times are over.

Saying No

He says "no" within himself and every so often he says it aloud.  The specific focus of the "no" is unclear.  It may well be to all of life or to only what is currently before him.  Whatever the source, he needs to shout away the prospect of its realization.  The "no" must drive away the intruding "yes," and maybe what is so offensive is the intrusion of hope.

Right or Wrong

When things seem clearly right or wrong, realize we are looking at them apart from their occurrence in actual lives.

The Hardest Part

Trust remains the hardest part and so only after trying to control, deny, manipulate, and escape do we come to where we should instead have begun.

Something Else

After we have looked at all that is reasonable and considering what others may think, say or believe, we realize it is the "something else" that defines each person and provides significance to that life.

What Is Good

There is awareness, a realization that even though it has no name, there is something about which I need not worry and it is the assurance that what is good, whatever that may be, will stay so.  It happens every so often and there is no need to pursue to what it may refer.

One Real Love

He has decided, with the same lack of reason so common to much of his thought, that each life is entitled to one real love, but most people settle for something less.  They may become aware that it is settling, and so they will sense regret and will wonder what that one real love might have offered.  He thought too some of us might find and lose that love and only in its loss would we realize what it had been.  It seemed, as often is so, that he had perhaps half a thought and sought to make it more true than it could be.

All-right-ness

I think of it as a voice when it is more a realization or awareness.  It said this morning what it has said before and each time it is assured enough to convince me it is so.  It said, "It will be all right."  I suppose I want it also to say I will be all right, but that is not so important to know and in truth my idea of what might constitute "all right-ness" is not the best standard.  Better to instead wait and trust, settling into the awareness once again.

Memory Fades

Building monuments assumes they will have significance for people beyond those who raised them, that sometime in the future people will recognize the importance of the individuals or events that inspired the builder.  How readily memory fades and how even the most mundane of present moments can take precedence over the greatness of what was is more surprising than might have been realized.

Trusting Those Left Behind

I suppose Jesus realized at some time he would be unable to tell them all they might need to know, and that he would have to trust them to find it within themselves, or to not need it after all.  I wonder if in the realization he found peace.

Partial Truth

As long as there is only one correct response, one right way to be, a single proper way to act we will run after it, letting go whatever seemed only partially true, not realizing that partially true things are as true as anything else we might run in pursuit of.

Before Enlightenment

He started with answers to questions he had neither the sense nor the experience even to ask.  His answers sounded more profound than reasonable and required none of the sensitivity with which life might have tempered them had he waited.  It is all right sometimes to be pompous and so absolute, as long as the matter can be re-opened once reality has dawned.

Managing Dopiness

When I see people acting as dopey as I sometimes do, I realize it would be O.K. to stop.  Should they wish to continue, that it not my choice.  Only my own dopiness is available to me.

Being Old

When, as younger people, we think of being old it is as young people.  We think we will have the same vitality, interests and capabilities; but that is not how it will be.  We will be old as old people, which is how it should be.

Awakening to Spirituality

Sometime around age 40 I began to have a sense of what spirituality might involve.  I had earlier known what Church might mean and I was well-versed in social action as its mission, but it took longer to understand about this more essential aspect of ourselves, and of God.

A Vision

While putting away the decorations, I had a sense this might be the last time I do this and if it is that would be all right.  It is not the first time the prospect of dying has visited, but it is never a frightening realization.  It does not intrude.

[Another Christmas has come and gone.  The decorations were brought out, hung and are back again in the attic.  So much, I suppose, for premonitions.]